Still feeling stuck in a ruthless?
Remember, you cannot calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will eventually pass. The most powerful and practical changes happen when you decide to take control of what you do have power over, instead of craving control over what you do not.
So…
“Why don’t you just get over it?” “Just let it go.”
We’ve all heard some flavor of this advice before. And it passes the sniff test, to a certain extent.
I mean, “time heals all wounds,” right? Well, yes… sort of. But wounds heal differently depending on how they’re treated.
Left alone, a gash in your skin will leave a large scar and be vulnerable to injury again in the future. This is why we get stitches—it helps the wound heal in a way that limits the chance of re-injury down the road.
Emotional wounds work the same way. Given enough time, most emotional pain will diminish—that’s true.
But just “getting over it” leaves scars.
In the emotional sense, scars equal baggage—baggage we carry with us into every aspect of our lives. These scars grow and accumulate until one day you wake up suffering from the “three un’s” (unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next).
So let this be your wake-up call. Don’t just get over it to find inner calmness… Go through it!
Honestly, I understand the desire to “get over” difficult experiences rather than facing them. Revisiting painful memories and facing our demons is really, really hard. And we’re hard-wired to not cause ourselves pain.
However, as our parents taught us, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.
And in addition to the scars, to ignore or downplay a wound puts you at risk for infection, emotionally as well as physically.
Unresolved issues from the past take up residence in your mind and influence your decisions, your relationships, and your attitudes.
They rob you of your happiness. Doing the hard thing now will be hard, yes. But it’s far better than the alternative. Now, to recap the three bad strategies for overcoming the “three un’s:”
Just trying harder doesn’t work because effort without direction is not enough.
Seeking to control things you cannot control leads to frustration and unhappiness.
“Getting over it” may feel better at the moment, but it’s simply putting off the inevitable.
These are the wrong ways to pursue calmness and happiness. But I’m happy to tell you there is a better way…
*shared by William S. Peters Sr.
Bravo. Thank you for the uplifting advice!